Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable. - Mark Twain
Travel is fatal to narrowmindedness, prejudice and bigotry. - Mark Twain
A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it. - Mark Twain
This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger. - Mark Twain
"When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. - Mark Twain
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop. - Mark Twain
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. - Mark Twain
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s, I mean. - Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. - Mark Twain
Reality can be beaten with enough imagination. - Mark Twain
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. - Mark Twain
Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.... - Mark Twain
This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. - Mark Twain
The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters; the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell together, as quickly as possible. - Mark Twain
We don not think, in the holy places; we think in bed, afterwards, when the glare, and the the noise, and the confusion are gone, and in fancy we revisit alone, the solemn monuments of the past, and summon the phantom pageants of an age that has passed away. - Mark Twain
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. - Mark Twain
There's one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he's crooked. - Mark Twain
I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. - Mark Twain
Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction. - Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well fed. - Mark Twain
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain
The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them. - Mark Twain
"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. - Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven. - Mark Twain
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. - Mark Twain
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. - Mark Twain
If you take a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you. This is the primary difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it. - Mark Twain
It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt - Mark Twain
Забелязвам, че колкото по-здраво работя, толкова по-голям късмет имам. - Mark Twain
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. - Mark Twain
The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession. - Mark Twain
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately. - Mark Twain
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. - Mark Twain
Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession. - Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. - Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. - Mark Twain
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds upon the heel that crushes it. - Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. - Mark Twain
I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people. - Mark Twain
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. - Mark Twain
Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth. - Mark Twain
I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one. - Mark Twain
The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not. - Mark Twain
Comparison is the death of joy. - Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge. - Mark Twain
Now, then, that is the tale. Some of it is true. - Mark Twain
The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people. - Mark Twain
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly in the long run. - Mark Twain
The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. - Mark Twain
It is noble to teach oneself, it is still nobler to teach others. - Mark Twain
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language. - Mark Twain
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence -- and then success is sure. - Mark Twain
It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake. - Mark Twain
Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else. - Mark Twain
If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times. - Mark Twain
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do then by the ones you did. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain
In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer. - Mark Twain
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's. - Mark Twain
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain
Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. - Mark Twain
We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles. - Mark Twain
I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened - Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. - Mark Twain
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. - Mark Twain
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. - Mark Twain
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. - Mark Twain
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not. - Mark Twain
All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live. - Mark Twain
I asked tom if countries always apologize when they had done wrong, and he says, 'Yes, the little one does.' - Mark Twain
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with. - Mark Twain
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. - Mark Twain
History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme. - Mark Twain
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it--and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again--and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. - Mark Twain
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. - Mark Twain
Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of. - Mark Twain
Carlyle said, "A lie cannot live"; it shows he did not know how to tell them. - Mark Twain
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. - Mark Twain
Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you. - Mark Twain
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. - Mark Twain
Work like you don't need the money. Dance like no one is watching. And love like you've never been hurt. - Mark Twain
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. - Mark Twain
A patriot is mocked, scorned and hated; yet when his cause succeeds, all men will join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot. - Mark Twain
I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55. - Mark Twain
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. - Mark Twain
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. - Mark Twain
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot. - Mark Twain
What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so. - Mark Twain
A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies. - Mark Twain
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. - Mark Twain
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain
I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe. - Mark Twain
I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up! - Mark Twain
Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals. - Mark Twain
Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size. - Mark Twain
This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth--ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!- Letter to J. H. Twichell, 1/29/1901 - Mark Twain
It is discouraging to try to penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it. That would take some of the rigidity out of it. - Mark Twain
I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time. - Mark Twain
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. - Mark Twain
The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies. - Mark Twain
It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts that I do understand. - Mark Twain
Children have but little charity for each other's defects. - Mark Twain
I set down in a chair by the window and tried to think of something cheerful, but it warn't no use. I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. - Mark Twain
A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs. - Mark Twain
And whoever will take that motto and live by it will be likely to succeed. There's many a way to win, in this world, but none of them is worth much without good hard work back of it. - Mark Twain
Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all. - Mark Twain
During the gold rush its a good time to be in the pick and shovel business - Mark Twain
Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish. - Mark Twain
"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain
By trying, we can endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. - Mark Twain
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain
Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can. - Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principle one was that they escaped teething. - Mark Twain
When in doubt, tell the truth. - Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. - Mark Twain
If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks. - Mark Twain
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain
Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made. - Mark Twain
The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or two. - Mark Twain
There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship. - Mark Twain
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. - Mark Twain
The lack of money is the root of all evil. - Mark Twain
When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one. - Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven. - Mark Twain
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. - Mark Twain
You may say what you want to, but in my opinion she had more sand in her than any girl I ever see; in my opinion she was just full of sand. - Mark Twain
Никога не съм позволявал на училището да попречи на образованието ми. - Mark Twain
In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them. - Mark Twain
Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it thousands of times. - Mark Twain
An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before. - Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. - Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. - Mark Twain
I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. - Mark Twain
There are times when one would like to end the whole human race, and finish the farce. - Mark Twain
Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been. - Mark Twain
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. - Mark Twain
Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. - Mark Twain
I would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective. - Mark Twain
I know grammar by ear only, not by note, not by the rules. - Mark Twain
I find that principles have no real force except when one is well fed. - Mark Twain
I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't. - Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please - Mark Twain
In this world one must be like everybody else if he doesn't want to provoke scorn or envy or jealousy. - Mark Twain
There isn’t a parallel of latitude but thinks it would have been the equator if it had had its rights. - Mark Twain
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. - Mark Twain
Cuando recordamos que todos somos locos, la vida queda explicada - Mark Twain
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. - Mark Twain
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. - Mark Twain
There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice. - Mark Twain
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. - Mark Twain
High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water; but everybody likes water. - Mark Twain
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. - Mark Twain
Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. - Mark Twain
The darling mispronunciations of childhood! - dear me, there's no music that can touch it; and how one grieves when it wastes away and dissolves into correctness, knowing it will never visit his bereaved ear again. - Mark Twain
When I think of the number of disagreeable people that I know who have gone to a better world, I am sure hell won't be so bad at all. - Mark Twain
There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that. - Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. - Mark Twain
But the elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time. - Mark Twain
A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain
The best coffee in Europe is Vienna coffee, compared to which all other coffee is fluid poverty. - Mark Twain
I was born modest. Not all over, but in spots. - Mark Twain
The dream vocabulary shaves meanings finer and closer than do the world's daytime dictionaries. - Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. - Mark Twain
Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment. - Mark Twain
God created war so that Americans would learn geography. - Mark Twain
I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure. - Mark Twain
I can last two months on a good compliment. - Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. - Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. - Mark Twain
Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain. - Mark Twain
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. - Mark Twain
In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel. - Mark Twain
If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships. - Mark Twain
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. - Mark Twain
In his private heart no man respects himself. - Mark Twain
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain
The difference between nonfiction and fiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable. - Mark Twain
The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong; he can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way. - Mark Twain
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. - Mark Twain
If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves. - Mark Twain
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. - Mark Twain
That's just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don't want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain't no disgrace. - Mark Twain
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. - Mark Twain
Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. - Mark Twain
Now he found out a new thing--namely, that to promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. - Mark Twain
We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world. - Mark Twain
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you. - Mark Twain
October is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. Others are July, January, April, September, November, May, March, June, December, August and February. - Mark Twain
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window by man, but coaxed downstairs, a step at a time. - Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. - Mark Twain
Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out. - Mark Twain
In your country and mine we should have the privilege of making fun of this kind of morality, but it would be unkind to do it here.Many of these people have the reasoning faculty, but no one uses it in religious matters. - Mark Twain
A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't. - Mark Twain
I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me. - Mark Twain
Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values. - Mark Twain
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. - Mark Twain
When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum. - Mark Twain
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. - Mark Twain
Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. - Mark Twain
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself. - Mark Twain
A lie can travel halfway round the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain
An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect. - Mark Twain
Herodotus says, "Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all: the conscientious historian will correct these defects. - Mark Twain
I did it partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again. - Mark Twain
Are you so unobservant that you do not yet realize that sanity and hapiness are an impossible combination? - Mark Twain
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. - Mark Twain
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. - Mark Twain
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. - Mark Twain
So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked. - Mark Twain
We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that the savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter. - Mark Twain
The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul. - Mark Twain
Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. - Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of god that in our country we have those 3 unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. - Mark Twain
It's lovely to live on a raft. We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened. - Mark Twain
Każdy człowiek jest jak Księżyc. Ma swoją drugą stronę, której nie pokazuje nikomu. - Mark Twain
New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin. - Mark Twain
If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it. - Mark Twain
Well, there was a sort of bastard justice in his view of the case, and so I dropped the matter. When you can't cure a disaster by argument, what is the use to argue? - Mark Twain
The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow. - Mark Twain
Well, there are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce. - Mark Twain
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. - Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Mark Twain
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little. - Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain
I have spent most of my time worrying about things that have never happened. - Mark Twain
Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
I went to Maui to stay a week and remained five. I never spent so pleasant a month before, or bade any place goodbye so regretfully. I have not once thought of business, or care or human toil or trouble or sorrow or weariness, and the memory of it will remain with me always. - Mark Twain
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. - Mark Twain
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. - Mark Twain
At the beginning of a great national change, the patriot is a scarce man: scorned, ridiculed and forgotten. When his cause succeeds, however, all men will join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot. - Mark Twain
Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. - Mark Twain
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. - Mark Twain
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. - Mark Twain
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board - Mark Twain
It could probably be show by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress. - Mark Twain
One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a women is, until after considerable acquaintance with her. - Mark Twain
Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done. - Mark Twain
He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it - namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain. - Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk, ruined. - Mark Twain
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain
The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit. - Mark Twain
Virtue has never been as respectable as money. - Mark Twain
Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one's mind. - Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. - Mark Twain
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. - Mark Twain
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. - Mark Twain
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. - Mark Twain
Familiarity breeds contempt and children. - Mark Twain
Supposing is good, but finding out is better. - Mark Twain
There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting. - Mark Twain
George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. - Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it. - Mark Twain
"All say, 'How hard it is to die' - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live. - Mark Twain
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain
You can't pray a lie. - Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. - Mark Twain
A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse. - Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. - Mark Twain
Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so. - Mark Twain
The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it. - Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain
الوطنية أن تقف مع وطنك كل الوقت، وأن تقف مع حكومتك فقط عندما تكون على حق - Mark Twain
The report of my death was an exaggeration. - Mark Twain
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. - Mark Twain
The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. - Mark Twain
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place. - Mark Twain
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. - Mark Twain
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain
If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging? - Mark Twain
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know, I've done it a thousand times. - Mark Twain
Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Mark Twain
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain
Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. - Mark Twain
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. - Mark Twain
Be wise as a serpent and wary as a dove! - Mark Twain
Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought. - Mark Twain
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. - Mark Twain
The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. - Mark Twain
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. - Mark Twain
O homem que não lê não tem nenhuma vantagem sobre o homem que não sabe ler. - Mark Twain
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."[, a Biography] - Mark Twain
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you. - Mark Twain
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. - Mark Twain
[Mankind] is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise. Sometimes the noisy handful is right, sometimes wrong, but no matter, the crowd follows it. - Mark Twain
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have someone to divide it with. - Mark Twain
The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. - Mark Twain
The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal. - Mark Twain
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. - Mark Twain
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist. - Mark Twain
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. - Mark Twain
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. - Mark Twain
The best of all lost arts is honesty - Mark Twain
A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be led by the nose. - Mark Twain
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
Never let your education interfere with your learning. - Mark Twain
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered — either by themselves or by others. But for the Civil War, Lincoln and Grant and Sherman and Sheridan would not have been discovered, nor have risen into notice. - Mark Twain
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. - Mark Twain
Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough. - Mark Twain
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory. - Mark Twain
It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech. - Mark Twain
Warm summer sun, shine brightly here, Warm Southern wind, blow softly here, Green sod above, lie light, lie light, Good night, dear heart; good night, good night. - Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. (Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.) - Mark Twain
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read. - Mark Twain
One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. - Mark Twain
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. - Mark Twain
Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. - Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place. - Mark Twain
When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. - Mark Twain
Whenever you find yourself on the side of majority, it's time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain
We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that a savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter. - Mark Twain
Men write many fine and plausible arguments in support of monarchy, but the fact remains that where every man has a voice, brutal laws are impossible. - Mark Twain
I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. - Mark Twain
The Indian may seem poor to we rich Westerners but in matters of the spirit it is we who are the paupers and they who are millionaires. - Mark Twain
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. - Mark Twain
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. - Mark Twain
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain
But death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind; death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness; death was man’s best friend; when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free. - Mark Twain
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. - Mark Twain
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's I mean. - Mark Twain
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain
Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain. - Mark Twain
Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity. - Mark Twain
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible. - Mark Twain
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. - Mark Twain
′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read. - Mark Twain
Herschel removed the speckled tent-roof from the world and exposed the immeasurable deeps of space, dim-flecked with fleets of colossal suns sailing their billion-leagued remoteness. - Mark Twain
How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it. - Mark Twain
To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add sheep was a tautology. - Mark Twain
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself. - Mark Twain
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts that I do understand. - Mark Twain
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime. - Mark Twain
A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows. - Mark Twain
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain
Yes. And I’m rich now when I think about it. I own myself, and I’m worth eight hundred dollars. I wish I had the money. Then I wouldn’t ever want anything else - Mark Twain
We all have thoughts that would shame the devil. - Mark Twain
It's considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it, namely, that, in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain. - Mark Twain
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand. - Mark Twain
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. - Mark Twain
When angry, count four. When very angry, swear. - Mark Twain
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey. - Mark Twain
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. - Mark Twain
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. - Mark Twain
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want. - Mark Twain
George Washington as a boy was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth - he could not even lie. - Mark Twain
In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination. - Mark Twain
I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened. - Mark Twain
I am only human, although I regret it. - Mark Twain
The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal. - Mark Twain
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know. - Mark Twain
I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it. - Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - Mark Twain
It is not that I believe that there are too many idiots in this world, just that lightning isn't distributed right. - Mark Twain
If I owned both Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell and rent out Texas. - Mark Twain
It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. - Mark Twain
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. - Mark Twain
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said, "I don't know." - Mark Twain
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason. - Mark Twain
Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life. - Mark Twain
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. - Mark Twain
Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. - Mark Twain
When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. - Mark Twain
You will be more disappointed in life by the things that you do not do than by the things that you do. - Mark Twain
من لا يريد القراءة ليس بأفضل ممن لا يستطيع القراءة - Mark Twain
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain
It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race. - Mark Twain
The trade of critic, in literature, music, and the drama, is the most degraded of all trades. - Mark Twain
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. - Mark Twain
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. - Mark Twain
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain
It's a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old. - Mark Twain
I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts. - Mark Twain
I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have got so much more of it. - Mark Twain
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing you can do is keep your mind young. - Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. - Mark Twain
Customs do not concern themselves with right or wrong or reason. But they have to be obeyed; one reasons all around them until he is tired, but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden. - Mark Twain
Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it. - Mark Twain
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect). - Mark Twain
If there is a God, He is a malign thug. - Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places. - Mark Twain
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. - Mark Twain
Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures; figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick. - Mark Twain
Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use. - Mark Twain
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. - Mark Twain
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian. - Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved it. - Mark Twain
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. - Mark Twain
If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures. Simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick. - Mark Twain
Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption. - Mark Twain
When a disciple from the wildcat religious asylum comes marching forth, get under the bed. It doesn't matter whether he's a Christian, Hindu, Jew or Muslim. - Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about Heaven and Hell, you see, I have friends in both places. - Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. - Mark Twain
It is easier to stay out than get out. - Mark Twain
[He was] a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. - Mark Twain
How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. - Mark Twain
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to bring the news to you. - Mark Twain
In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. - Mark Twain
Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. - Mark Twain
Great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great. - Mark Twain
I can live two months on a good compliment. - Mark Twain
Honesty: The best of all the lost arts. - Mark Twain
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain
We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly. - Mark Twain
I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain
Distance lends enchantment to the view. - Mark Twain
If books are not good company, where shall I find it? - Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. - Mark Twain
What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before. - Mark Twain
In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot. - Mark Twain
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. - Mark Twain
Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain
I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. - Mark Twain